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Practical support for real life

Your friend wants to leave. That's enough.

You don't need a perfect intervention. You need a useful exit.

Maybe they say they're uncomfortable. Maybe they send a vague text. Maybe they just look like they'd rather be literally anywhere else. You don't need a full explanation before you help them get more options.

Show me what to do Build a friend-support plan

No capes. No hero speeches. Just practical help.

Need help now?Need help making your own plan?
Two friends walking together through a bright public lobby, one checking a phone, with a service counter behind them.
This tool offers general ideas for supporting someone. It can't tell you what's safest in every situation. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 911 or your local emergency number when it's safe to do so.

The easiest rule to remember.

If they want to leave, leave with them.

You can ask questions later, if they want to talk. In the moment, help them get to people, transport, staff, a public space, or somewhere they feel more comfortable.

The friend who wants to leave is giving you the plan.

  • Believe them.
  • Don't demand proof.
  • Don't make them explain.
  • Help them move.
  • Help them get home.
  • Stay in touch after.

If they don't want to leave but seem uncomfortable, offer options without pressure.

The OUT framework

A simple way to be useful.

This isn't about diagnosing anyone or proving anything. It's about helping a person have more choice.

O

Observe

Notice when someone seems uncomfortable, isolated, pressured, or unable to easily leave.

U

Understand

Check in without demanding details. Ask what they want, not what you think they should do.

T

Take action

Offer a useful next step: a casual interruption, an exit, transport, a phone call, staff support, or another person nearby.

S

Stay connected

Stick with them while they leave if you can. Check in afterward. Help them get support if they want it.

Do not diagnose. Decide what gives your friend more options.

Quick action tool

What can I do right now?

What's happening?

What to say

“Hey, we're leaving now.”

“Do you want an excuse to leave?”

What to do next

Get your things, move toward an exit or public space, and arrange transport. Don't make them explain their decision to anyone.

What not to do

  • Don't ask them to wait while you finish a conversation.
  • Don't tell them to calm down.
  • Don't require them to convince you.

When to involve support

If someone tries to block the exit or you feel unsafe, move toward staff or call for help.

Remember

The exit comes first. The full story can wait.

Related script: “Come with me for a second.” Related scenario: Your friend says, 'Can we go?'Resources

The exit menu

Give them options, not pressure.

The casual interruption

When you want to interrupt without making the situation bigger.

“Hey, come with me for a second. I need to talk to you.”

Next move: Move toward another friend, staff, a public area, or an exit.

The no-explanation exit

When your friend clearly wants to leave and doesn't want to discuss it.

“We're heading out.”

Next move: Leave together. Keep walking. Don't wait for approval.

The logistics excuse

When an excuse makes leaving feel easier.

“Our ride's here.”

Next move: Use the excuse if it helps. You don't owe anyone a detailed explanation.

The check-in phone call

When your friend sends a vague message or wants a reason to step away.

“Can you call me for a second?”

Next move: Ask simple questions: 'Do you want me to come get you?' 'Do you want an out?'

The staff handoff

When you need venue, workplace, hotel, school, transit, or building support.

“Hi, we need some help leaving this situation.”

Next move: Ask for one practical thing: a place to wait, a walk to transport, or help finding a colleague.

The group reset

When a person is being isolated or the group dynamic is becoming uncomfortable.

“Come sit with us.”

Next move: Bring the person toward their people, a busier area, or a planned meeting point.

The transportation reset

When their original ride or travel plan no longer feels like a good option.

“Let's get you another way home.”

Next move: Use transit, a rideshare safety feature, taxi, trusted person, or a public place while you arrange a ride.

The quiet stay-with-me option

When they don't want to talk but don't want to be alone.

“You don't have to explain. I'll stay with you.”

Next move: Stay nearby, move somewhere more public, and let them choose what happens next where possible.

Nothing on this page is saved. Print the plan workbook if you want something on paper.

What to say

Useful words beat perfect words.

You don't need a heroic monologue. You need a sentence that helps someone move.

Checking in

Use it when
You're not sure how they're doing and want a low-pressure way in.
Try this next
Listen to the answer. Offer an out, a call, or your company.
If speaking doesn't feel safe
If speaking out loud doesn't feel safe, switch to text or a call.
  • “Do you want an out?”
  • “Do you want to leave?”
  • “Do you want me to stay with you?”
  • “Do you want me to call you?”
  • “Do you want me to come get you?”
  • “Would you rather talk somewhere else?”
  • “Are you okay to get home?”
  • “Do you want help figuring out a ride?”
Find more in the Boundary Script Deck

Offering an exit

Use it when
They've signalled they want out, or you're offering the door.
Try this next
Move together toward people, an exit, or transport.
If speaking doesn't feel safe
If exiting directly feels risky, involve staff or call for help.
  • “Come with me for a second.”
  • “Hey, we're leaving now.”
  • “I need you for a minute.”
  • “Let's go get some air.”
  • “Let's go talk to staff.”
  • “Let's head somewhere more public.”
  • “I can walk with you.”
  • “Let's get you another ride.”
Find more in the Boundary Script Deck

Supporting without questions

Use it when
They don't want to explain. You can still be useful.
Try this next
Stay nearby. Let them choose the next step.
If speaking doesn't feel safe
If you can't stay, help them reach someone who can.
  • “You don't have to explain.”
  • “I believe you.”
  • “I've got you.”
  • “We can leave.”
  • “You're not ruining anything.”
  • “You're allowed to change your mind.”
  • “We can figure this out one step at a time.”
  • “What would help right now?”
Find more in the Boundary Script Deck

Talking to staff or others

Use it when
You need venue, workplace, or building support.
Try this next
Ask for one practical thing, then the next.
If speaking doesn't feel safe
If you can't reach staff safely, call for help.
  • “We need some help.”
  • “My friend doesn't feel safe. Can we wait here?”
  • “Can someone walk with us to the car?”
  • “Can you help us arrange a ride?”
  • “We need to move away from this person.”
  • “Can we speak somewhere private but staffed?”
  • “We need security support.”
  • “Please call 911.”
Find more in the Boundary Script Deck

What not to say

Things that sound helpful but usually aren't.

You don't need to become a perfect friend. But you can avoid making someone work harder when they already want out.

Instead of
Try
Are you sure? They seem nice.
You don't need to convince me. Do you want to leave?
Just ignore them.
Do you want me to stay with you or help you get some space?
Don't make a scene.
Let's do what helps you feel more comfortable.
What happened? Tell me everything.
Do you want to talk now, later, or not at all?
You should've told me sooner.
I'm glad you told me.
Maybe you're overthinking it.
It makes sense to take a feeling seriously. What would help right now?
Let's go talk to them.
Let's focus on getting you where you want to be.
You can't leave them there.
We can decide what you want to do next once you're somewhere safer and supported.
Why didn't you just leave?
You did what you could in the moment. What do you need now?

Support isn't about having the cleverest response. It's about making someone's options bigger, not smaller.

Support by setting

Same goal. Different logistics.

Bars, parties, and events

A party is not a prison sentence.

What can help

  • Stay with your friend.
  • Help them retrieve belongings.
  • Move toward staff, a busier area, or a clear exit.
  • Arrange transportation.
  • Don't leave them alone because you're worried about being rude.
  • If they want to leave, leave with them.

What to say

  • “Hey, we're leaving now.”
  • “Do you want an excuse?”
  • “Come with me for a second.”
  • “Let's get your stuff and go.”
  • “I'll wait with you for your ride.”

What to do next

Use a casual interruption or excuse if it helps, then move toward an exit or staff.

When to involve staff or support

Involve bar, venue, or event staff when you need a place to wait, a walk to transport, or support leaving.

What not to assume

You don't need to decide whether someone is dangerous before helping your friend leave.
Related scenario: Your friend says, 'Can we go?'Script: “Come with me for a second.”Plan prompt: Who's your ride-home backup for nights out?

Check-in messages

Not every request for help sounds dramatic.

Sometimes it's just: “Can you call me?” Copy a line and send it yourself. Nothing auto-sends, nothing is saved, and we never touch your contacts.

Hey, just checking in. Do you want an out?

How's it going? Want me to call you?

No pressure to explain. Just checking that you're okay.

Need me to come get you?

If you want to leave, I can help you make that happen.

Nothing here is stored or tracked, and there are no fields to fill in. Need help now?

Talk it through

Make it easier before anyone needs it.

You don't need a dramatic code word or a three-ring binder. A few agreements can make it easier to help someone leave. Work through these together — there's nothing to fill in here.

01

A person I can call for help

For example: Name or initials

02

A person who can pick someone up

For example: Name or initials

03

A public place we could meet

For example: General area, not an exact address

04

A check-in phrase

For example: e.g. Did you feed the cat?

05

A code word or emoji, if we want one

For example: Optional

06

A transportation backup

For example: e.g. rideshare, taxi, trusted person

07

A phrase I'll use if they need an out

For example: e.g. I need you for a minute

08

A phrase they can use if they want help

For example: e.g. Can you call me?

Check-in phrases you could agree on

Can you call me?Are you awake?Did you feed the cat?Can you send me that thing?I need a ride.Can you give me an out?🍋🟡

A code word can be useful. But 'I want to leave' works beautifully too.

A reminder: I'll believe them without demanding proof.

Print the plan workbook

Write anything you agree on somewhere private. No account needed, and nothing is saved here.

Printable pocket guide

Use what fits. Leave the rest.

A one-page guide you can print or copy. Nothing to fill in, nothing saved, no account needed.

Leave Early · pocket guide

Help a friend leave

1. Start with the exit, not the interrogation

You don't need to know what happened to help someone leave.

  • • “I'm heading out — come with me.”
  • • “I need to go, and I'd rather not go alone.”
  • • “Let's get some air.”

2. Five things that actually help

  • • Stay with them, and move toward people or staff.
  • • Let them decide what they say and to whom.
  • • Keep your voice normal and your pace calm.
  • • Offer specifics, not opinions: “My car's out front.”
  • • Follow up the next day with something small.

3. What tends to make it harder

  • • Asking them to justify leaving.
  • • Telling them what they should have done.
  • • Promising things you can't deliver.
  • • Taking over the plan.

4. Messages that work in the moment

  • • “Leaving now. Meet me at the front doors.”
  • • “Come get a coffee with me, I'm outside.”
  • • “No questions. Just come if you can.”

5. Afterwards

  • • A check-in text the next day: “Thinking of you. No need to reply.”
  • • A note about what they'd like you to do differently next time.

This worksheet is for general education. Complete it privately and store it somewhere appropriate for you.

This resource is not a guarantee of safety or a substitute for emergency services, individualized support, legal advice, medical care, or official local instructions.

After you leave

Once they're out, keep it simple.

The first job is getting somewhere safer and more supported. The second job is not turning the car ride home into an interrogation.

01

Start with basics

  • Are you somewhere you feel okay?
  • Do you need water, food, quiet, a ride, or someone to sit with you?
  • Do you want to call someone?
02

Let them lead

  • Ask whether they want to talk now, later, or not at all.
  • Don't pressure them to report, confront, explain, or make a permanent decision in the moment.
03

Save practical details if they want

  • If they may want to report something later, ask whether they'd like to write down what they remember, save messages, or note names and locations.
  • Don't pressure them. Don't take over.
04

Keep checking in

  • Send a short follow-up message later.
  • Offer specific support: a ride, company, a meal, help contacting a resource, or a walk to work.
  • Avoid vague promises that create more work for them.
05

Know when more support may help

  • If they want specialized support, help them find a local service, workplace support, campus service, victim support, or health care resource.
  • If there's immediate danger, contact emergency services when it's safe.

You don't have to fix everything tonight. You can help with the next useful thing.

Scenarios

Practise being the useful friend.

Keep building your options

A few more useful tools.

The Boundary Script Deck

Clear words for saying no, creating space, leaving, and asking for help.

Find the words

My Personal Safety Plan

Put your people, places, scripts, and backup options in one private plan.

Build my plan

Real-life scenarios

Practise a better next move in under 90 seconds.

Try a scenario

Emergency and support resources

Find help when you need more than a friend and a good exit.

Find support

Awkward is cheaper than unsafe.